Navigating a Life with Unique Communication and Social Challenges

I struggle with having a sense of self and internal motivation, which significantly impacts my daily functioning. For instance, I might find it challenging to start a simple task like doing laundry or preparing a meal without external prompting from someone else. This difficulty with self-initiation extends to my inability to self-reflect or express my feelings and emotions in writing, such as journaling or composing personal messages. Additionally, I can't communicate with machines or computer-generated voices, like Siri or Alexa, which limits my interaction with technology.

When interacting with others, I tend to adopt their personalities. For example, if I am talking to someone who is very outgoing and talkative, I might unconsciously mirror their behavior. However, my learning process is unique; since I can't talk to myself, I have trouble learning through repetition, watching videos, or reading long texts. Instead, I learn best through hands-on experiences, such as physically engaging in a task or participating in a group activity.

My social life is virtually non-existent due to my communication style, which involves speaking in a literal manner. This means that I might not understand sarcasm, idioms, or social cues, leading to confusion and misunderstandings. My only interactions with others are through professionals funded by the NDIS, which provide support for individuals with disabilities. I am also sensitive to conflicting opinions or individuals with inconsistent thoughts, leading to strong reactions. For example, I might become upset or defensive when encountering someone with a contrasting viewpoint or who presents multiple perspectives on a single issue.

I am disconnected from the world and only leave my home for medical appointments. My social and communication difficulties have resulted in nearly a decade of isolation, which has had several consequences. I now experience intense fear of public spaces, known as agoraphobia, and often don't leave my home for extended periods. This fear might manifest as a racing heart, sweating, or even a panic attack when confronted with the prospect of entering a crowded area. Additionally, I suffer from social anxiety disorder, likely due to my lack of human contact. This can cause me to become extremely nervous or self-conscious when interacting with others, even in small or familiar settings.